Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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