she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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