Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
