Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
