Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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