I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
