I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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