Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
