Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
