I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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