Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
