Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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