So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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