Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
