real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
