Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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