I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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