Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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