No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
