I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
