How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
