anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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