My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
