I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
