She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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