Where did you get a picture of my penis
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
