I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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