I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
