Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
