brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
