guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
