On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
