chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im holly from the hills drunk
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
