chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
