So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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