I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
