her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We have so much sex to catch up on
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry about my life...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
