woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
