you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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