it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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