My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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