Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
