First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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