either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
