I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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