It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
