i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
