Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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