were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
