4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
