Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
