My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
