Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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