and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
