found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
