i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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